Saturday, 12 April 2008

Prepare for Suckage Most Foul

We have such sights to show you!

Glorious Britain! Weird and wonderful place where it is easier to score drugs than to obtain a library lending card without a utility bill.

Britain is wonderful, in the original sense of the world. Archaeologists may call the Maya's enigmatic. But you, the British people, are here to be asked and the outsider still can't make head nor tail of you.

It is hard not to fall in love with the sheer surrealism of living here: the bureaucracy, the weird notion that people want to move here due to your standard of living (hint: it's not!), the bizarre taboo against foul language and nudity, but complete acceptance of casual violence. Yes, you are indeed enigmatic, and we simply adore you.

But strangest and most wonderful of it all is this delightful habit of making anything and everything into an attraction. Whether you can see it or not if it's there, was there or will be there at some point - there will be a sign, a web site, a "friends of-" group and a jolly old lady selling post cards and tea.

We love it. And we want to share it.

We will explore as many British "attractions" as possible, and inflict them on you via the interweb. But, and this is a but as big as JLo's, we will steer away from the Royal Albert Hall, Westminster Abbey, The Edinburgh Festival and other proper attractions. We will bring you the Pencil Museum of Keswick, mounds of earth where King Knut once stood, or possibly didn't, sites where there might at some point be a museum - or possibly not - despite there already being a website, a spot on the map and a lost little old lady with a teapot and a stack of postcards.

We will rate the attractions from 1 to 5 with 1 being almost interesting (because we feel that in this case, the shittest are the best)and 5 being Suckage Most Foul.

We will rate level of happy amateurism, how difficult it is to find and how interesting it is. Please observe that interesting equals bad in this blog.

I.e Bad is Good, Down With Government*

We will be back soon with a crap day out at the Spitfire and Hurricane Museum of Manston, Kent. Since it hasn't happened yet we don't know if this will truly be a crap day out, but we have high hopes.

When we can't be arsed to shuttle around the country watching crumbling stone that may or may not have been Queen Lizzie's favourite loo, we may sometimes revert to crap nights out, or even crap nights in.

Stay tuned to avoid those shit days out.

* This is a nerdy reference to the animated show The Tick, the episode called The Tick vs The Tick, featuring the Evil Midnight Bomber what Bombs at Midnight. This is known as a joke. We do not condone bombing at ungodly hours of the night and are not particularly encouraging insurrection. (Unless you really, really have to, but you have to pay for your own petrol and legal fees)